It has been a bit since I actually sat down and wrote a blog. I have been keeping busy around the house with projects, they never seem to end. Insomnia continues to make its comeback throughout the week. But I have learned a few things as well.
I’ve noticed several different things from following different autism groups. IBS and insomnia seem to be a common factor. I’ve always had issues with both but it seems like the older I get, the more they effect me. I used to think the naps were why I couldn’t sleep at night but lately I can’t even get a nap during the day and it’ll still end up that I can’t sleep that night.
The whole mandatory mask thing has definitely made it to where I do not like going out even more. I have asthma on top of my Aspergers so after about five minutes, I begin to have a hard time breathing. My glasses fog up and I start to have a bit of a panic attack. I can only be in a store for about ten minutes before I just can’t think and start to freak out. I really wish they would consider autism as a medical reason to not wear a mask, but in turn I guess it gives me a reason to stay away from the store.
I had a relative pass away, he was technically a third cousin, but his family and him always treated us better than most of the direct relatives we have. We didn’t see them much as they lived in a different state but they are definitely close with us. He was a State Trooper for 45 years and the reason my own dad became a police officer. My dad is taking it hard and to see him tear up is weird. Yet I’m here as always just stoic and no real expression of emotions or feelings. I’m trying to be positive when I talk to my dad but ultimately I don’t know how to personally feel about it. It really opens my eyes to our mortality and what will happen when the time comes for my own dad or mom? I feel like I am not going to know how to express anything and look like the uncaring ass. It’s definitely not anything I look forward to in all aspects and hope it isn’t for a long time to come.
School has been going pretty good. The last class was problematic because it was a Literature and Composition class and that is by far my worst subject. I had completed each class before with an A and this one I finished with a B. It makes me feel like I failed but I know you can’t expect A’s all the way through. The current class I’m in is going well but I am a little worried. It is a group assignment class and my grade depends on the others participation and effort. So far the class is going well and I do have an A but there are still several assignments left with the group and I just hope it continues well and I get an A. It’s a little nerve racking knowing the chance that I may not get an A but I’m doing my best to continue on and not think about that aspect yet.
Hopefully I can get back to writing more often again, keeping busy working outside and being exhausted has kept me away but I am going to make an effort to get back to this. It helps with being unable to verbally communicate things and tends to relax me.