Friends

Making friends as an adult seems nearly impossible. The older we get the less friends you realize you have in life. You grow up with so many friends in school and it gives you a feeling that you will always have those friends. But as we age, people change, lives change and people move in a different direction.

Having Aspergers seems to add to the frustration of actually making friends. Having to socialize and be around others, go out of our comfort zone to hangout. And I’m one that can be home and a little bored, wishing I had a friend to hangout with and if it happens, I’m already wondering how to leave and go back home. It’s like the first five minutes are the rush of not being bored then after that the regret sets in of actually leaving home and trying to figure out how to leave without seeming like it was a waste of time. Sitting at home, watching tv and having my dog is that much more appealing after leaving. The drive over gives time to think “what have I done?” And by the time I get somewhere, I’v already over thought and set in a panic of why did I leave?????

I can handle myself fairly well being able to talk and socialize in the moment, but that brings small talk and I hate small talk. It feels forced and there’s no real way to avoid it when the time hits of awkward silence because we run out of things to talk about. I wish I could make a friend that knows how it feels and is totally fine with hanging out in a way of just watching tv or chatting over text. With “normal” people it just seems awkward to say yeah come over and watch tv with me. Or someone that understood not liking to be around too many people but could just hangout in the garage doing nothing and just talking and being able to handle just the two of us and not need to be actively doing something to not be bored.

I don’t actually know any other aspies in real life. I have groups on Facebook that I follow but everyone is in a foreign country or not even close to the state I live in. It almost brings a feeling like I’m the only aspie in Colorado. Then I wonder if it’s possible for two aspies to be friends because we are both set in our ways and how do you handle that?

I feel like the idea or concept of friends is more appealing than the reality of it. I’m very good at seeming interested in doing stuff with my “normal” friends but at the same time I’m very good at finding a reason or excuse to end up not going. This might also be the reason some of my friends don’t reach out anymore, which doesn’t anger me, just makes me realize the things I do and I wish on that aspect that I could be a “normal” social person.

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