Child-ish

So until recently, I had never noticed that I still have child-like tendencies and behaviors. It’s never on purpose and I hadn’t really ever paid attention to it but it is coming to light more and more.

I’ve noticed that if I am upset about something, say for example, my wife says she needs help with dishes or can I grab a drink cause she’s not a slave, I take it to a whole different level. Then I won’t ask for anything and get everything myself. I point out when asked where I’m going, that I’m getting a drink cause I don’t want to inconvenience her. Or if she asks if she can grab me a drink when she is getting up anyway, I say “No, I wouldn’t want you to be my slave” and it tends to cause an argument. I have no intentions to start an argument but my brain just goes there for a response.

I’ve just come to realize that at times, I act like a child still and I’m 31. I can be perfectly fine and something asked will make me go ughhhh and can either make me angry that I have to do something to pretty much pout and do the task. They aren’t ever anything ridiculous or strenuous but because I may be watching tv or zoning out, its causing me to stop and do something and its auto child-mode for me.

The more I notice, the more it angers me. I don’t catch it in the moment but when I do, it just pisses me off. Like, I’m an adult, its not hard, just do it and quit being a baby about it. Nothing good ever comes from me reacting this way and you would think I would learn but it still happens. I haven’t really caught any other ways that I do it yet, but I’m sure there are plenty.

I’ve heard that aspies are good at getting taken advantage of and I know I have before, but it sucks. We get taken advantage of because we still have that child-like tendencies and when you’re 31 and have to be told someone needs to watch out for you, it definitely takes that I’m and adult feeling away for sure. I don’t like feeling like I need a baby sitter for certain things and being told I worry about you, but people tend to suck haha. I’m not mad at my wife for feeling like she needs to protect me, it just sucks to be my age and need someone there in certain situations like I can’t handle it myself.

Someday I hope I can change the way I react or think when it comes to situations where I know it’s childish. To avoid an unnecessary argument or stress, feel like a real adult, and respond accordingly. Now that I’m starting to see things, maybe someday I can stop myself before it happens and not have the after thought of WHY?!?!?!

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