Children?

I am currently 31 years old, married for almost two years and we do not have any children. Is that a good thing or bad thing? Do I want a child? Is our family still a family with just the two of us and our animals?

Just like most people growing up, I’m assuming, I dreamt of having a wife and one or two kids by this time in my life. I have a wonderful wife but no kids. It’s been a struggle of wondering who is having the issue, is something potentially wrong? I look around at my friends or people I know around my age that have kids and have lost touch with some friends because they had kids and we don’t “fit” that circle of people due to not having kids.

My point to this post is simple, do I want to find the solution to having a kid, a shot due to blood types not matching, and worry that our child will have Aspergers as well, or do we continue living our life the way it is and enjoy every day? Before being diagnosed, that was never a question in my mind. Now I continuously have that fear in the back of my mind anytime we talk kids. I don’t know if I would want to have a child knowing they will probably have autism of some level as well. I’m 31 and can end up acting like a child myself with a meltdown or the inability to do things that a “normal” adult can do. Can my wife handle a child knowing that some days I will be unable to help and disconnected from both of them? Can my wife handle having a adult child and baby at some point during a meltdown and remain sane enough to take care of the situation? Can I handle the noise, smells, new routine, new addition to the house…..? It is a lot of questions with uncertain answers. I can’t put myself in that situation to even think of how it would be. We both want a child, but are we an incomplete family without?

I know there is no certainty to our child having a noticeable disability or it may even be less severe and the child would appear to be a neurotypical individual. But because my brain is so logical I am trying to see every outcome of having a child and what it would put my wife and I through. None of this crossed my mind before being diagnosed almost two years ago and it’s like it was so much easier and less stress before compared to now.

Aspergers isn’t bad, autism isn’t bad, no disability is a bad thing. Today’s society is becoming more accepting and the resources are growing. It just scares me to think of not being able to help my wife or to be emotionally unattached to my child for no reason that I can explain at the time. Simple things could lead to not being able to be there to help. Is it worth it? Can I handle it? I don’t know and will continue to be a ongoing conversation between us. Maybe someday I will have an answer to this and still be blogging.

If anyone that has read this and has been through the same situation, please, comment. Feel free to share your experience and how you have been able to get through it. Would you change having a child if you knew you were going to pass this on?

3 thoughts on “Children?

  1. There are so many thoughts and feelings to be digested about this that you will never reach the end. I’ve know n I was autistic about as long as I’ve known my husband but children haven’t been possible for us. I’m grateful that there is a drug to allievate his cancer but it’s always tinged with sadness as it destroys his fertility. I suppose I should be relieved that I don’t have to worry about what happens if his cancer acts up, my autism and our ’child’ but It never feels like that is a victory worth celebrating.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m really sorry to hear about your husband. I can’t even imagine what you go through. Hopefully you guys just enjoy as much time together and those are the memories you will always have.

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  2. I made the choice not to have children before I knew that I had Asperger’s. I just knew I wasn’t exactly someone who “coped well with life”. I have since learned that a lot of women with undiagnosed Asperger’s syndrome feel the same way – that is, they feel they are “bad at life.” I felt that having a child would just add to all the challenges that I already experienced and I began to feel that it might even be unfair to a child to have me as a parent. I was probably being needlessly pessimistic there.
    Now that my official autism diagnosis is looming, I have no regrets about not having children, but I understand that many people with autism make wonderful parents, too. We can be extremely empathetic towards the needs of a child – and you might find this out about yourself, too. It’s a big decision and I wish you all the luck in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

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